A Movie Best Watched With Friends for the Wrong Reasons

Read Time:5 Minute, 32 Second

MOVIE REVIEW
The Caretaker
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Genre: Action, Thriller
Year Released: 2025
Runtime: 1h 28m
Director(s): Fady Jeanbart
Writer(s): Joe Knetter, Jeff Miller
Cast: Robert Bronzi, Avaryana Rose, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, Daniel Baldwin, Paul Logan, Jacob “Madman Fulton” Southwick, Mark Justice, Brett Benowitz, Alex Trumble, Leah Voysey
Where to Watch: streaming now on all VOD platforms

RAVING REVIEW: Some films set expectations from the opening scene, not through craft or tension, but through a quiet realization that what you’re about to watch will fall far short of its ambitions. THE CARETAKER lands squarely in that category. It’s not aggressively bad, nor is it a disaster beyond repair. Instead, it’s the kind of experience where you very quickly stop trying to take anything seriously because the movie itself doesn’t seem capable of holding its own weight. It’s the definition of a film to put on in a room full of friends who enjoy laughing at the choices, performances, and technical misfires that become more entertaining than the intended story.

The premise isn’t the problem. On paper, a grizzled loner — played by Robert Bronzi — guarding a tourist ghost town during the off-season while forced to protect a young woman from dangerous criminals is at least an intriguing setup. Action films have done a lot more with a lot less. The location helps, too. The desert ghost town lends the film a natural atmosphere, and the exteriors are often the production's strongest element. Dusty streets, rotting structures, and open sky make the environment the most convincing actor in the cast.

The trouble starts the moment the film requires human emotion or believable delivery. Bronzi, whose entire appeal hinges on his resemblance to Charles Bronson, is at least consistent. He may not bring depth, but he knows his angle, and he plays it. The film leans heavily into his image, hoping the novelty alone can hold attention. Unfortunately, the gimmick can’t sustain an entire feature, and Bronzi’s performance never shifts beyond stiff stoicism. It’s not awful — just flat, as though the character’s emotional range was lost somewhere in the desert.

The real weakness reveals itself in the larger cast. This is where the movie unravels. Several supporting performers deliver their lines with the kind of uncertainty typically seen in early rehearsal footage, not something intended for final release. It’s not simply that the acting is weak; it’s the inconsistency. One scene will attempt a serious take, the next will feel like a parody of the same emotion, and the whiplash becomes impossible to ignore. Characters speak as if they’re unsure whether they should be dramatic, comedic, or both. Even scenes meant to convey fear or desperation sometimes feel like improvisations delivered without direction.

Daniel Baldwin, playing the crime boss, has flashes of commitment that show how a different version of this film might have worked. But every time the movie builds even a little momentum, it cuts to another of his deliveries, breaking the tension entirely. Instead of leaning into intensity, scenes often float into awkward pauses, misplaced reactions, or line deliveries so strange they become unintentionally funny.

Avaryana Rose, in contrast, gives the film a few moments of real (and surprising) grounding. She isn’t remarkable here, but she is among the only cast members who seem genuinely engaged with the material. Her scenes feel like attempts to treat the movie as a real experience rather than a novelty project. She brings enough energy to keep her character afloat, even while the surrounding performances drift into a different tonal universe. Still, there’s only so much she can do when the scenes opposite her swing between overacting and underacting with no consistency.

Many interior scenes are so overlit that they resemble a television commercial rather than a moody action thriller. Instead of atmosphere, the lighting creates a distraction, flattening faces, erasing shadows, and removing any sense of tension. The visual contrast between indoors and outdoors becomes another reminder of how uneven the overall craft is. The editing also contributes to the film’s unintentional comedic effect. Scenes often end abruptly, cut at awkward moments, or linger too long. Reaction shots appear mismatched. Pauses stretch longer than they should.

One of the strangest outcomes is how watchable the film becomes for the wrong reasons. There is entertainment here, but not the kind the filmmakers intended. When the acting collapses into exaggerated shouting or blank stares, the movie becomes a spectacle of confusion. This creates the odd effect of turning THE CARETAKER into something closer to group-viewing comedy than action thriller. It’s the kind of film you keep on because its missteps provide talking points and laughs — not because it has anything compelling to say. It’s not painfully bad, and it’s not incompetent from top to bottom. But it’s absolutely the kind of project where its flaws define the experience more than any of its strengths.

THE CARETAKER isn’t the worst film you’ll ever see — far from it. But it lands firmly in the realm of projects you watch with friends because the laughter it generates becomes the best part of the evening.

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[photo courtesy of UNCORK'D ENTERTAINMENT, DARK STAR PICTURES, BABE ENTERTAINMENT, MILLMAN PRODUCTIONS, PYRAMAX PRODUCTIONS, RON LEE PRODUCTIONS, TRIPLE ORIGIN PRODUCTIONS]

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